MK Update 5/19/2008

Hello all! Hope this e-mails finds each of you enjoying this beautiful weather! I just wanted to update you on my "chemo status". I was scheduled for my fourth (of six) treatment today. But, my blood counts were too low, so it has been rescheduled for next Tuesday the 27th. I was pretty certain when we left for Little Rock this morning that I would not have my treatment because my counts were pretty low Thursday. I was really pumped and ready for this treatment; however, I was able to get so much accomplished at work last week and was wanting to have this week to work as well. Plus, I am excited to have the holiday weekend feeling good! I think I have finally turned the corner so to speak with this whole cancer experience. A few weeks ago, Batesville's Beta Club had a mini Relay For Life. Chris's basketball team had a team in my honor. For those of you that do not know, Chris has accepted a job at Southside and will be coaching and teaching there next year. It was a most difficult decision for us--one we prayed about often. We love the girls and their families and honestly do not know what we would have done without them the last four months! They had to sacrifice so much of Chris's time and energy the last half of this season. They are wonderful! But, ultimately we realized that the job at Southside was the best decision. Anyway, the Relay For Life was sort of our "last event" with the girls. We had a great time! I will never forget walking that last lap surrounded by Chris and the girls--man what a feeling! When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and cried and cried some more. Then I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Up to that point, I have literally viewed this cancer and chemo as the Devil. When the nurse hooks that chemo bag to my port, I have felt like the Devil is flowing through my veins. I just can't describe to you how that feels--but I promise it is exhausting physically and emotionally to try and fight that feeling. As I sat in the bathroom crying and praying, the very last thing I prayed was that God would help me to be quiet and listen to His words. When I finally stopped crying the silence in the bathroom was deafening. I listened and boy did I hear! God spoke to me and He helped me to realize that this cancer and this chemo are a God-driven experience. Yes, I do believe that the Devil has a small role in this experience, but only to the point that I allow. I have matured spiritually through this experience more than I thought possible. I remember a sermon Pastor Kay delivered several months ago. She had just returned from a stay at a monastery. Her sermon was so very descriptive about her spiritual experience there. She spoke of the silence and the beauty of the monastery. She preached on her spiritual maturity and growth through that experience. Well, this journey has certainly not been a beautiful or awe-inspiring journey, but I know that I have grown as a Christian through this experience. This has been and will continue to be a spiritual journey for me. I have a clarity about this that is so refreshing and relaxing. I know I will have some more yucky days ahead, but I am ready. I am ready because I have finally figured this out and I know that I am going to be okay. In fact, I know that I am already better than I was at 11:59 on January 4th. I have spent the last four months wishing I could return to 11:59 on January 4th and start over without cancer and doctors and sadness and pain. But not now! Now I know that Noon on January 4th is a time to be thankful for--a time to cherish. All this time all I could think was that I will never be the same as I was at 11:59 on January 4th. Well, that is right--I will never be the same--I am better now than I ever was before that time! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! Certainly, one of the very best things to come from this journey is all of you. What an Army of Angels I have! I realize that each of you have listened to His messages about me. You have been there with me for each step I have taken. Even at my lowest points, I have always felt your strength. You are all amazing and so giving of your time and prayers. I thank you for your patience with me and your love for me. I love each of you and thank you for EVERYTHING! MK