MK Update 3/23/2008

Happy Easter! Well, it has sure been an interesting and eventful two weeks. I am not even sure where to begin! Things went pretty okay the first week after the first chemo. I was somewhat tired and nauseated most of the time, but nothing major. I also had some pain in my bones, especially my larger bones. This is caused from the shot they gave me the day after chemo. It apparently makes the body produced more white and red bloods cells which is done in the bone marrow--thus the pain. Overall, I was doing pretty good until last Saturday. I started feeling like I had the flu. Jay and Erin came up along with Mom and Dad and we watched the Razorbacks play Tennessee. It was pretty fun but the whole time they were here I just kept thinking I was so tired. That feeling just progressed and by late Sunday night I was feeling just terrible. I remember laying in Chris's lap in the floor of the bathroom with Mom feeding me ice chips and Coke from a spoon. Mom, Chris, and David finally managed to get me to the car and somehow get me to the ER in Batesville. My blood cell counts (white cells, red cells, and platelets) were very low. My white blood cell count was 340 and Dr. Walton said it should be between 4,500 and 10,000. He said that is why I was feeling so bad. They admitted me and placed me in "reverse isolation" which basically means that anyone in my room had to wear a mask to limit my exposure to germs. Poor Mom and Chris--they wore those masks nonstop for 4 days--I know that had to be terrible. I just have to say I have never, ever felt so bad! I couldn't even talk--it just took too much energy. Oh and the noises--they were so terrible. I never realized there were so many sounds in a day until they all drove me crazy! I had to stay until Thursday and when I left the hospital my WBC count was up to 10,000. Only my platelets were still low. I went Friday and have to go back tomorrow for Dr. Walton to check them one more time. He did talk with my oncologist, Dr. Harrington, and he assured me she said she would make adjustments to the chemo so that this does not happen again. I certainly hope so!! I guess we will see come March 31st. This has certainly been a "dark" week. It was also very scary. I remember asking Mom and Chris when I was laying in the floor in the bathroom if I was going to make it. Of course, they were very assuring. I knew I was sick because I sang The Battle Hymn of the Republic no less than 30 times and still didn't feel any better. I just have to say the Devil and that Fear Monster were working some major overtime on me last weekend! And the weaker my body became the weaker my mind (and faith) seemed to become as well. It was certainly a humbling experience. One that has left me exhausted and reflective. I was able to go to church this morning. I woke up feeling very tired and almost decided not to go, but I managed to get myself up and around. And let me tell you it was a good thing because Pastor Bob wrote his sermon with me in mind! His sermon today was on the beauty and awe of Heaven and eternal life. His sermon was just so comforting. At the end of his sermon he said he hoped that we could take the sermon and tuck it away in a small place in our hearts and that when we are faced with trials or fear or sickness or doubt that we will visit that place and find comfort and peace there. I so needed to hear that today--my week was full of trials, fear, sickness, and yes doubt! I have tucked Pastor Bob's sermon (and his inspiring faith) in my heart and now I have a "vision" of a place to go when I find the Devil and Fear Monster beating on my door. My next big trial is this hair! I just need to lose it and get it over with so I can move on. I noticed yesterday it was starting to fall out. I had wanted to just make it to Easter with hair--and that sure happened! I am just waiting until it starts falling out at a little faster rate before I shave it off. We are having a "Spring Break Blast" this week at the clinic--celebrating a different book each day. The kids and staff get to dress up each day and Wednesday is hat day. I think I may just shave this hair off Tuesday night so I won't be the only one wearing a hat Wednesday. There is safety in numbers!!! I want to take this time to say that I have been blessed by the best family in the universe. My husband and mother have spent the last 10 days doing nothing but focusing on my care. I cannot tell you the number of times my mother stood for what seemed like hours rubbing my legs and feet and sometimes my hands because they hurt so bad while Chris would wash my face with a cold rag and stroke my hair. It had to be so exhausting for them, but yet they always had a smile and loving words for me. What a blessing--what a blessing! I continue to thank each of you for the prayer support. Even when my faith was weary, you were there for me--assuring me that I am not alone. I know that today is the perfect day to know that Jesus died for our sins so that we may all have eternal life. This past week was certainly a huge test of my faith. At times, my grade would have certainly been failing--but isn't it wonderful that we have a graceful, loving, and forgiving God who was with me even when I failed to see his face and who will remain with me not only throughout this journey but also for the remainder of my life here and in Heaven. I will have that special place in my heart from Pastor Bob's sermon to help me envision that never-ending love, and to help me see His face even in the weakest, darkest moments! I humbly ask that you continue to pray for my physical health but also for my spiritual health. Your love and support is a constant reminder of His love for me! Love you all! MK