MK Update 4/12/2008

Hello all! It seems like decades since I sent out my last update. I received my second chemo treatment March 31st. It looks like my "chemo pattern" is going to be as follows: receive my treatment on Monday, followed by 10 yucky days, followed by 10 pretty good to good days, and then another treatment. Let me just say that those 10 yucky days are just that--YUCKY! The first five are filled with nausea and the last five are filled with bone pain and flu-like symptoms from my blood counts dropping so low. At least this round I did not have to spend any time in the hospital! That was a definite improvement. This time, the 10 yucky days were spent on the couch (surrounded by 3 dogs) with Mom and Chris waiting on me every second. Mom spent the entire time trying to fill me up with protein to help "rebuild" my blood counts. I think when this is all over I am going to go on a protein-free diet for a few weeks! HA! Poor Mom, she tries to fix me anything I will eat--but nothing tastes very good, my mouth was full of sores, and anything warm or hot was just nasty. I lived on green grapes for several days, which is really funny because I have never liked green grapes until now. The past few days, however, my mouth is better and I have eaten much better. Fried catfish seems to be what tastes the best to me now--I have had it three times in five days. :) Mom cooked pot roast with potatoes and carrots, mac and cheese, and the pinto beans ever yesterday. I had no problems eating any of that! It was YUMMY! I am looking forward to going back to work this week. I miss my co-workers and the kids. They are wonderful medicine! I have an appointment with Dr. Hagans Monday--just a routine follow-up. I haven't seen him in six weeks. I look forward to his upbeat personality. He usually calls me "Red"--so I can't wait to see what he says about my lack of hair and stylish hat. :) I have attached of picture of me with Jay and our stylish buzz cuts. I think you will see the similarities. These past 10 days have been a very reflective time for me. The first round of chemo I think I just felt too bad to have any energy to reflect on anything. I am fairly certain I cried more the past 10 days than I have in the past 10 years. Everything seems to make me cry. I am so dreading this next treatment. I have looked at the calendar and if all goes as planned I should have 43 pretty good to good days left and 40 yucky days left. Hopefully, my last yucky day (from chemo) will be July 3rd. I plan on having a great 4th of July. I find it very ironic that on the day our great county gets to celebrate its independence and freedom I will get to celebrate my "freedom" from chemo! Again, God is everywhere! While hanging out on the couch, I tried to stay as positive as possible by thinking of happy times. Thursday, I spent some time thinking about the trip to Disney World Chris and I took a few years ago. We had so much fun! I really think I could live in Disney World--what a happy place! My favorite ride was a roller coaster ride at the Animal Kingdom--Expedition Everest. The ride takes you through the mountain while this Bigfoot-type creature (the Yeti) chases the train. The ride is fast and cold and mostly in the dark. You start out going fairly fast into the mountain. Suddenly, the ride gets slower and the Yeti appears. The train speeds up and you can see a small bit of light from outside the mountain. The train heads for the light and just when you think you are about to escape the Yeti and leave the mountain, the track runs out and the train abruptly stops. Then as fast as the train stopped it starts going again only this time you are going backward and the Yeti is quickly approaching. Again, there is the light from outside the mountain and just when you think you have ditched the Yeti and reached the light the track runs out again and the train once again abruptly stops. Then bam--the train takes off, ditches the Yeti, and heads into the light of day, around the outside of the mountain, and to the finish. The entire ride I was so scared. Between the Yeti chasing us everywhere, the speed of the ride, and focusing on not getting sick, it is amazing I made it to the finish! As I thought about that great ride, it occurred to me that my chemo treatments are really just an extended version of Expedition Everest. I am on this ride for 83 more days. I have to learn to enjoy the fun parts (the good days) and survive the scary parts (the yucky days). I need to realize that for those 40 yucky days left that I am not alone. That I have and awesome God carry me through those days and this awesome "Army of Angels" on my side. I have to learn to be less reclusive during the yucky days and to reach out for spiritual, mental, and emotional support not only from our God but from those of you who love me so much! My Dad loves roller coasters! If you ride a roller coaster with him, he makes you ride the entire ride with you arms high in the air and he will not stand for anyone to hold on to the safety bar. The first few times I rode with Dad, I really thought it was sheer torture to not get to hold on to the safety bar. Then after a few times, I realized riding the ride with your arms high in the air is a very thrilling experience. I need to let go of the safety bar and realize that I am surrounded by safety bars and He nor you will let me fall. I need to learn to find the thrill in this experience. I know I am going to reach the "light of day" and speed down this "mountain", leaving that "Yeti" far behind me! Again, I thank each of you for loving me enough to pray for me and my family, for sharing these updates with others so that our Army of Angels continues to grow, and for being my safety bar on this ride. You are all amazing! I love you dearly! God bless! MK