MK Update 6/6/2013

Hello Army!! Just wanted to pass along a quick update. I want to thank each of you for sharing my blog and enlisting so many new members of my Army. I also want to thank you for the prayers, the calls, the gifts, the flowers, the text messages, the inbox messages, the e-mails, and the love!!! Sunday was a difficult day. It was my first time out "in public" after I requested help from my Army. Church was hard and I felt very anxious. I went home and crawled in the bed and didn't want to get out of my "safe place". But Brucie wasn't going to let me fall all the way back into the darkness. He got me up and we went to the zoo. It was nice to get out, but I still just didn't want to talk to anyone...not even my family. I got up Monday with a new attitude and was excited to get back to work and our normal routine. I made it through Monday without crying. Each time I felt like the darkness was coming, a member of this Army would step in and pull me out of the darkness. I had so many messages and texts from people telling me that God had placed me on their heart. I'm so thankful that they listened to His message and helped at least keep my head out of the darkness. Each day this week has been better and better, and I have gone from feeling as though I am slowly but surely trudging out of the darkness to feeling like I might actually be jogging out of the darkness. My friend Leslie Bragg-Gitz has sent me a message or video every night at around 8:00. Wednesday night I found myself not looking at the clock and dreading 8:00 but excited to see what Leslie would be sending me. And for the past two nights I have gone to bed without taking a pill to help me sleep...which is a big victory!! Last night, I had strawberry shortcake at the Bulldog in Bald Knob with three dear friends and that was a nice "escape" from the reality of this cancer. But the best news came today!! I received a call today from MD Anderson with the pathology results from the tumor that was removed in Batesville on May 9th. The results show a low-grade tumor that is contained to the bladder!!!!! I was so shocked to hear him say "low grade" that I made him repeat the results. I said "this is good news, right?" He said, "yes, it means we do not have to remove your bladder." Wow!!! I'd say that is beyond good news...and has everything to do with the fact that this Army, this amazing Army of family, friends, and total strangers, stepped up to my literal scream for help...and low-grade, contained to the bladder is the result! Today I cried...but tears of joy and relief and praise and thanksgiving!! The darkness is still there, but today WE punched it in the mouth and in the gut and man it felt great!! Today, I am running out of that darkness!! But the darkness is relentless and it will give a good chase. It's going to run after me until June 27th when I have that surgery. I'm still cautious...concerned about what Dr. Kamat will find during the surgery...that there are "roots" hanging around...or other "plants" in the "soil"...but today I am going to rejoice...and I'm going to enjoy this "win"...and I'm going to start preparing for the next "game"...because this is going to be a long "season"...and though I might not go undefeated, I will have many more wins because I have each of you on my team!! David was right...I don't internalize things well...and I need my Army. I'm thankful that I finally realized there was no way I was going to get out of the darkness by myself and the help of my family and a few close friends. Please continue to pray for my peace of mind...pray that Dr. Kamat won't find any additional "plants" in the "soil"...pray for my Brucie that he can continue to bear the brunt of my emotions. This has been a good week and Sunday is going to be a wonderful day!! DD and Evans will be baptized and our families will be there to celebrate...and that darkness won't stand a chance!!! I love each of you and thank you for what you have done and what you will continue to do for me and my family!! Big hugs, big tears, lots of smiles!! MK Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."