MK Update 5/31/2013 - here I am again...

Hello Army! Well here I am once again to enlist the help of my Army of Angels. I apologize for the length of this message, but there is a lot I need to tell you! I need to give you some history to catch you up to this date so you will understand fully my needs. In January, my oncologist explained that in August I will have taken the Tamoxifen for five years. Tamoxifen is the medication that helps keep my hormones in check since my breast cancer was basically hormone fed. She said that I had two options…I could have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) and continue taking the Tamoxifen for another five years, or I could get to August and stop the Tamoxifen and wait and see if the cancer ever returns. So, I chose the first option because you guys know me well and I have never been a “wait and see” kind of person. So, on April 17, Dr. Carlton performed the surgery…and all went well…except…while she was doing the surgery she decided to check inside my bladder to make sure everything looked ok…and she saw something that “looked funny” to her. She referred me to an urologist. I went to the urologist on May 1, and he looked in my bladder and said the “something funny” was a cancer tumor. He said that he thought it was minor and likely contained to the bladder and we could just have surgery and remove it and that would be the end of it other than watching me closely for recurrence. I was MAD…and I mean fighting mad. I wanted to beat someone or something up…I was MAD. And then I was embarrassed…I mean who in the world gets two different kinds of cancer before the age of 40…and in my bladder…really?? So, I scheduled the surgery and told only my family and a few of my closest friends and made them all promise not to tell. I just didn’t want to hear “oh I’m so sorry” and “bless your heart” and every other negative, pitiful thing that would in all probability come out of the majority of people’s mouths. I had the surgery on May 9 and it was simple and I was able to get through that with no problems. But, the urologist called me on May 15 to tell me that the pathology report was back and although the cancer was contained to my bladder it was larger than expected and growing at a rapid pace so I would need BCG treatments once a week for six weeks. By this time, I was exhausted. Exhausted from keeping the secret, exhausted from being mad, exhausted from trying to figure out why this was happening to me again…just downright mentally spent. So, like an idiot I went home that night and after we got the kids in bed I started researching bladder cancer on the internet…big mistake…huge…I basically had the meltdown to end all meltdowns and I took it all out on my precious Brucie. And boy did I ever…I screamed at him and yelled at him. I told him things like “you just need to find a better wife and mother for you and our kids” and “I’m not going to be here much longer and you won’t have to put up with my craziness” and truthfully those were probably the nicest two things I said. Then I made him leave me alone locked in our bathroom. I sent a text to my parents that honestly had to be one of the worst things they have ever read. And I called my older brother and don’t even know what I said. It was ugly…UGLY!! Within about fifteen minutes, my brother was at my house I had not asked him to come, but because he has always been my Superman there he was to rescue me AGAIN. And he coached me up…and he coached me hard…and he told me the ugly things I needed to hear…and it hurt…and it hurt down deep…but he knew it was what I needed to hear. And after that, like always, he started helping me come up with a plan. And I promised him that no matter how good or how bad or how ugly things got, I would fight and fight hard…for him and for everyone else. The only thing I would not agree to do was to enlist the help of my Army. He said that a big part of my problem was trying to keep this a secret and to internalize all of this mess…and I’m obviously not good at that. But I still just didn’t want the pity. So, I contacted my oncologist and asked my best friend, Katherine, to contact her dad who is a very well-respected doctor. They both said it was time for me to go to MD Anderson in Houston for an evaluation. The referral was made and Brucie and I traveled there for appointments this week. MD Anderson is AMAZING! The people are so nice and professional. They all try to make you feel comfortable. There was a lady playing the harp in the CT scan waiting room…I mean this place is world class. Tuesday, I had an appointment with Dr. Kamat who is one of the top bladder cancer doctors in the world. There was some confusion in getting my records from my surgery. He needed the actual tumor slides and the hospital had not sent those, so rather than get more solid answers, I just received more speculation. Dr. Kamat said that he wants to do another surgery and look at my bladder. But first he wants to get the slides and give me six weeks to heal from the first surgery before he goes in to check. He also ordered a more in depth CT scan of my bladder, kidneys and surrounding organs. He said that it would not be good if it had spread but if it is contained to the bladder I would need to do the BCG treatments for the next three years. BCG is basically an immune-booster that would be injected directly into my bladder and would work to boost the good cells so they can fight off the cancer cells. There are very minimal side effects. It’s not like taking chemo…which is good. Tuesday was a long, hard day. We decided to go out for a nice dinner and then do some shopping. Dinner was great and we laughed a lot. We went to a huge mall and found The Cheesecake Factory…so of course we had to have some dessert. We were sitting very close to a young couple. We could hear everything they were saying and they were having a major discussion about developing a plan to move out of one place and in to another. The young wife was very concerned about cleaning one of the places and a major discussion ensued between them. Suddenly, said dude stands up, yells “excuse me” to her, throws his napkin down in his chair, and storms out of the restaurant. And all I could do was burst out laughing. And I could not stop, and Brucie was laughing…and the poor young wife was crying…and there the three of us sat….and then said dude returned and he said, “Honey, I am your husband and when you talk to me like that it is disrespectful” and I just totally lost it…I almost peed in my pants laughing. I just wanted to grab said dude by the shoulders and scream at him, “Just clean your freaking apartment and enjoy each other. Throw bleach on your clothes and ENJOY cleaning the toilet. Soak up every second and love each other. Chase your dreams and don’t look back. And give some respect if you expect to get some in return.” But all I did was laugh. And it felt so good. But of course 8:00 came and all the laugher was gone. We had some appointments on Wednesday and then came home. I was so glad to be home! I got the preliminary results of my CT scan Thursday and it was good…nothing had spread outside of the bladder. Dr. Kamat now just needs to do the surgery to see what is going on in my bladder. He described the tumor that was removed as a plant…and the urologist removed the plant, but Dr. Kamat needs to see if the urologist got the roots and what remains in the surround soil. He will do that with some kind of special blue light. That surgery is scheduled for June 27. So here we are again. And again I need your help. The past six weeks have been terrible. I had a hysterectomy on Wednesday and was back to work the following Monday. I had a secret bladder surgery on Thursday and was back at work on the following Monday. I have gotten up every morning and slapped (and I mean slapped) on my happy face and gone to work and church and meetings and social functions and had on my happy face. I get home every evening and Brucie and I take care of the kids and the dogs until they are all in bed at 8:00…and then I fall apart. And again, my precious Brucie has had to endure six weeks of me falling apart every night at 8:00. This time is so different. With the breast cancer I honestly never thought that it would shorten my life in any way. I always just knew I was going to beat that cancer. But this time I have not felt like that….maybe because it was such a shock. I have always been afraid that I would end up with leukemia from the chemo but a totally new cancer in a completely different area of my body…well that thought never entered my mind. And for the first time ever in my life, I let myself say “why me” and “this isn’t fair”…and the darkness just sucked me right in…and it hasn’t let me out. I’ve spent way too much time in that dark hole of ugly the past six weeks. It’s a terrible, terrible place. It wraps you up and it won’t let you go…and it’s mean, oh so very mean. It steals your peace of mind. It steals your happy. It steals your faith. It steals your heart. It just steals. And I’ve tried so hard to get out of the darkness…but the harder I try the further down in the hole I go. But, Tuesday night after our first day at MD Anderson, I just let all of the darkness out…laying there in the bed wrapped up in Brucie’s arms I just poured it out. I just told him the terrible feelings and thoughts that were consuming every second of my life and I cried…cried like I have never cried in my life…and there he was to hold me and say all the right things…and to pray with me. And right there I made a promise to myself that I was going to fight hard to get out of the darkness and I was going to win. My first goal was to make it through Wednesday without crying. Well, that got shot to snot when Brucie prayed at breakfast, but those tears were of a joyful and faithful nature…so I gave myself a pass. But once again at 8:00 last night while in the shower, I lost it again. And again, Brucie was there. Each day is getting better. I read something Wednesday morning that said you can let a mess define you or refine you. For the past six weeks my mess has been defining me, but now I am determined to be refined by this and to have faith and hope. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me in all of this. I don’t know how long I have left on this earth. I don’t know how ugly this is going to get. I just don’t know. But I do know that God has a plan and in that plan I’m going to be okay. And really that’s all I need to know. But I told Brucie today that I wasn’t going to get out of the darkness without the help of my Army. And I have exhausted my family and close friends and it’s time to get them some help too! So here I am…once again asking for your prayers…and for each of you to enlist others to join my Army of Angels. And to know that I need positive energy surrounding me…and I DO NOT NEED PITY!! I will keep you posted…but probably won’t know much until after my surgery in late June. I love you guys and feel so thankful to have such an amazing Army that I can call upon in my time of need. Please also pray for my Brucie, my family, and my close friends. They have seen a very scary side of me the past six weeks…and I know it has been hard on them…but man they have been AMAZING!! I already feel so much better just getting this out…it’s 9:28 and I haven’t fallen apart…and I think I might just make it the rest of the night with no tears!! And that, dear friends, is going to be a great feeling! I thank you now for all you will do for me as we continue on this journey!! Big hugs, big tears, lots of love!!! MK “In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.” Psalm 34:6-7

MK update 3/15/2010

Hello Army!! I know I have not sent out an update since August, but man have I been busy!! So much has happened since August!! First, I had my 6-month scans in February and they showed NO cancer!! I continue to take the tamoxifen daily, but with little side effects. Overall, I have felt great since August. I would like to update each of you on what has kept me so busy. First, in November I joined my best friend from college (Shelly Decker--she has been a huge part of this Army) and two other business partners and opened Miracle Kids Success Academy. It is a day treatment facility for birth to six year olds with developmental delays. We have a clinic in Batesville and one in Jonesboro. It has been very scary but very exciting!! I absolutely love going to work each day!! I have the opportunity to work with some amazing people and some wonderful kids!! Next, my wonderful husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in December. So, for a combination anniversary and Christmas gift I got us tickets to a Duke basketball game--a Duke game at Cameron Indoor Stadium!!!! Oh wow is about all I can say about that trip!! For those of you that follow me on Facebook, you can follow our fun through the pictures I posted. I will try and post those on my blog as well (http://mkupdates.blogspot.com). We had an absolutely amazing trip. It was everything I ever thought it would be and more. We arrived in Durham on a Wednesday and North Carolina happened to have a home game against Florida State. So, we got tickets and busted into the Dean Dome wearing our Duke shirts!! It was GREAT!! UNC lost and everyone sitting around us clapped when we got up to leave!! So FUN!! The next night we watched Duke play Tulsa. I spent most of the night watching Coach K--it is amazing to me that someone so small can have such intensity at a ballgame!! I also really liked Tulsa's head coach--Doug Wojcik. I think I like head coaches with funny last names!! Anyway, I really liked the way he coached his team. When the game was over, we were hanging around Cameron taking pictures, etc. and he walked past us. He was wearing a pink ribbon pin on his lapel--I knew I liked him! Anyway, our trip was great and we will be going back--next time hopefully with my entire family!! Then, Highland hosted the 4A state basketball tournament. Oh wow--they did a fantastic job!! I certainly enjoyed watching some great basketball in a spectacular new gym--the A.L. Hutson Memorial Center. I know Mr. Hutson would have enjoyed every minute of those games and would have been so proud of the job that the school and community did putting that event together. But, the biggest news I have to share and by far the most exciting is the arrival of my newest nephew, James Hoover Brogdon!!!!!! He arrived January 22nd and life has just been giddy since then!! Oh he is so perfect!! He is Jay and Erin's first and hopefully the first of many!! It has been 9 years since we have had a baby in the Brogdon family--so we are all very excited!! I have pictures posted on my Facebook!!! I think I have only taken roughly 300+ pictures since his arrival!! I love nothing more than to be surrounded by my nephews!! Oh the fun the four of us are going to have in the years to come!!! My little Jayhoov is such a blessing in so many ways. Now, January will always be a joyous month!! I will no longer think of January as The Month when my breast cancer was discovered!! In fact, this year January 4th came and went and I never even thought about January 4, 2008!! At some point on January 5th, I realized that I had gone through the entire previous day and never once thought about it being the anniversary of my diagnosis!! YIPPEE!!! I call that progress!! Now, I will have my Jayhoov's birthday to celebrate in January!! He was born at Baptist hospital where I had my surgeries, etc. I told Mom while we were there for his birth that it was just awesome to be in that hospital for something so blessed instead of for something related to cancer!! Doesn't God work in some really amazing ways?!? So, as you can see the past 7 months have been most blessed and most exciting!! I cannot express to each of you that I would not be enjoying these blessed times if it were not for each of you!! You guys literally carried me through some of the darkest days of my life.

I do have a few prayer requests for you. I occasionally will get a phone call or e-mail asking me to have my Army pray for them. It is amazing that you guys are such a powerful group!! My requests are:

1. Beth Huff - Mrs. Huff has been a faithful member of this Army. She sent me cards and packages. Having experienced chemo treatments, she was a source of much comfort for me. Mrs. Huff is again battling cancer. She is currently taking treatments. Please pray diligently for Mrs. Huff and her family.

The next three prayer requests are for 3 young women who have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. My heart hurts for them but is also very excited for them. I know that sounds very strange, but cancer has provided me with so much that I would have never experienced without that diagnosis--mainly a spiritual growth that is beyond words. Please pray for each of them continuously so that they may feel that same feeling of God's warmth and comfort carrying them through this journey.
1. Chrissy Stewart - I went to high school with Chrissy. She is a working mother and is currently taking chemo treatments. She will start radiation soon. She continues to work daily and has a very positive attitude.

2. Tammie French - Tammie is also a Highland graduate. She has recently started her chemo treatments. She too is a working mom and trying to balance treatments with work and family.

3. Robin Williams - Prior to her cancer diagnosis, I did not know Robin. About a month ago, one of my dearest friends, Angie, told me about one of her dear friends and her recent breast cancer diagnosis. Since then, I have come to know Robin through text messages and phone calls. I finally got to meet Robin this weekend. Since my diagnosis, I have had the opportunity to talk to some women recently diagnosed with breast cancer, but really only providing them with basic information. Robin has been much different. I see so much of myself in Robin. The questions, the fear, the anxiety--it is like looking at myself in a mirror--the self I could not see when I was so deeply immersed in my fight with cancer. Emotionally I have gone back to places I never thought I would go again. I know this is God helping me to see how far I have come since January 4, 2008. And I know that soon Robin too will feel this feeling. But, Robin doesn't know that yet. She is very afraid and anxious. She has yet to realize just how strong she is and that even in her weakest, darkest moments He is there to hold her and carry her--to protect her in a way that only our Creator could. Today while texting her I told her that I would enlist my Army to begin praying for her. Her immediate response was, "Fabulous!!! Tell them to pray HARD!!!" And that is what I am doing tonight. I am asking you to pray hard for Robin, Tammie, Chrissy, and Mrs. Huff. I am eternally thankful for each of you and feel so blessed to have such an awesome Army to carry not only me, but others in need through the dark days. You are all amazing and I LOVE YOU!! God bless you all!! MK

MK Update 8/11/2009 FW:Race for the Cure

Hello Army!! Hope this e-mail finds you all enjoying the last of summer. Everything is great with me. This e-mail is less of an Update and more of an Invitation! The e-mail below is from my sister-in-law, Erin (you guys know her as Erin Claus)!! She is a Race for the Cure team captain and is organizing our team. Her goal is to have the largest team participating in the Race this year and with your help we certainly can make that happen. Please consider participating in the Race this year. Last year was my first year to participate and it was AMAZING!! I walked that route with my family, closest friends, and co-workers and it was a feeling like no other!! I would love nothing more than to share that experience with each of you this year. It would be like a symbolic journey. I have been so blessed to have each of you walk this journey with me, so to have each of you literally walk with me would just be a blessing beyond words!! I would also like to encourage you to invite others to join the team. And, if you know any breast cancer survivors, please let them know about our team. I would love for our team to have the most survivors as well!! I believe the t-shirts are going to have a Charlie's Angels theme--the shirt Erin described to me sounded awesome. She is so creative. When she asked me if she could lead a team named Army of Angels I was very honored and excited but my uncreative mind just assumed the shirts would be camo!! But I loved watching Charlie's Angels so I was very excited when she described her idea to me. I also think it is cool since one of the Angels, Jacklyn Smith, is a breast cancer survivor. And all this is for men as well. One of the coolest things about the race was all of the men that lined the entire route cheering for us. I mean it was so cool!! Some of the men handed out pink flowers to the survivors--I got one and it was so neat! There was a group of bikers and they had a huge banner that read, "Stop the war in my rack"!! I clearly loved that banner!! So you men need to sign up too, help raise some money, and then line that route wearing our team t-shirt!! Remember to e-mail Erin so she can add you to the maililng list and keep you updated on the team plans. Please come join us for fun and fellowship and CELEBRATION!! Remember, the money you raise WILL help find a cure for breast cancer and one day we will all participate in a Race of Celebration!! I hope to see ALL of you October 17th!! Much love to each of you!!!!!!! MK


Erin's e-mail:


Hey, everyone! It's that time of year again. Race For The Cure is just around the corner. How exciting!

The 2009 Race date is October 17th, 2009!

I am the co-captain of the Sylvan Hills Church of Christ team, along with Terri Cobb. We want each of you to join in having the largest team at the Race. I know this is a big goal, but with your help we can do it!

This is your opportunity to help with a great cause. All of us know someone who has been effected by breast cancer, and by signing up or making a donation to our team you are making a difference in the fight against breast cancer.

To sign-up: Go to www.komenarkansas.org, and go to the "Race for the Cure" page. Once you are there click on "Register" on the right hand side, then click "Join a team" on the left hand side. It will ask you for a team name. Our team is Sylvan Hills Church of Christ and we are in the Church category. Then click "Search for a Team". In the search results click on the Team Name Sylvan Hills Church of Christ (Army of Angels) [my name should be there as captain]. This should take you to our team page. If you scroll to the bottom there is a link that says "Join Team" in a gray box next to the team name. Then follow the steps to register as a participant. If you plan to walk with us on race day then select the first option.

If you have any problems or questions, please email me at erin.brogdon@gmail.com. If you want me to register you or want me to mail in your registration then email me or call me at 580-5919 and I'll get your info.

I know we are registered as the Sylvan Hills Church of Christ, but we want participants from all over the community, county and state to join our team. We are going to have a blast! We have some fun race-related events planned, so stay tuned for details.

We will also have team t-shirts for sale. Once you register, please email me your shirt size so we can get a count of how many to order. I'll get the price to you in the coming weeks.

Since my inspiration to be involved in this cause is Mary-Katherine Hardin, my sister-in-law (the best one in the world!), we are calling ourselves the Army of Angels. Mary-Katherine (or MK) uses this phrase to describe the people who encourage her and prayed for her during her battle with breast cancer. If you want to read about her journey go to mkupdates.blogspot.com

We hope each of you will join our team (men and women), and we challenge each of you to invite at least one friend to participate (more would be fantastic!). Feel free to forward to anyone you think would be interested.

Keep the deadlines below in mind so you don't miss out. Sign up today!!
Deadlines:
Offline team postmark date September 17, 2009
Mail-In individual postmark date September 30, 2009
Last date to register online and receive
your t-shirt and bib by mail September 30, 2009
Last date to register online October 14, 2009
Dates for Race space October 6-October 16, 2009

I will send additional emails to this distribution list as we get closer to the Race date. If you received this email from a friend and you want to be on our team, please email me directly so I can add you to the list. (Also, if you want to be removed from this list, please let me know.)

I'll be in touch soon with more information. Thank you all!!


Erin

MK Update 7/7/2009

Hello Army!! I hope this e-mail finds you all enjoying summer! This has been a great summer for my family. We have had tons of fun times already and have many more adventures planned! The entire family is going to Branson next week for 7 days of fun and adventure. But the most exciting news is that Jay and Erin are expecting a baby in late January!! YIPPEE!! It's been over 9 years since we have had a baby in our family and oh January just can't get here fast enough!!! Yes, this summer has been much more exciting than last summer!! I send you this update on a BIG day for me--today marks one year since my last chemo treatment!! HOORAY!!!! Oh what a difference a year makes!!! It is hard for me to believe that one year ago I rang that bell signifying the end of those six treatments. I still remember the day I had my first chemo treatment when I learned about the famous "end of chemo bell ringing". I so remember thinking the day was never going to arrive when I would get to ring that bell. And I still remember that glorious feeling of victory I felt when I rang that bell. I can still see Sharon (my favorite chemo nurse) standing there with tears streaming down her face while I rang that bell. Man that was a feeling I will never forget! I never expected to get that feeling again today--but I woke up this morning and that feeling was overwhelming!!! I just can't put into words that feeling--but man it is wonderful!! Today was also a day of reflection. I spent a lot of time today thinking about the last 18 months. I could have never imagined when I heard those words "you have breast cancer" that so much good would follow. And although there have been some really yucky days, I can say without doubt there were and continue to be far more glorious days!! I have so much to be thankful for and so today I also spent a lot of time in prayer thanking God for my many blessings. I am thankful to my Army of Angels for being with me throughout this journey and for the comfort you provide as I continue on this journey. There are too many of you to name individually, but I am thankful for each of you more than you will ever know!! There are a few people that I do want to give special thanks. I am thankful for my parents (Ronnie & Kay Brogdon) for instilling so many qualities in me that I utilized throughout this battle like strength, courage, persistence, optimism, humor, compassion, patience, and of course FAITH! And for being there with me the last 18 months. I will never know what you must have felt when I called you both in an absolute panic after that ultrasound. Thanks for being my strength during those horrifying first few days and for cheering me on not just the past 18 months but the last 34 years--everything I am and have achieved is because of you! Thanks, Mom and Dad, you are amazing!! I am thankful for my brothers (David & Jay) and the constant support and friendship they provide. No matter what, these two are always there for me!! I still remember calling David in those first few hours--in my panic after that initial diagnosis--and even in all of that panic he just took over and within minutes (not hours) had me scheduled to see the best doctors faster than what my local doctor could get scheduled!! And then calling Jay and trying so hard not to cry and sound afraid when I called him because I am the big sister and I didn't want him to be worried--but I couldn't do that and it was okay--he was there with one of those famous Jay pep talks and prayer and just calm. Thanks, David and Jay, for making me the luckiest sister in the world!! I am thankful for my niece and nephews (Amanda, Zac, and Alex) who literally spent all of 2008 providing me with endless laughter and ensuring that any "yucky day" was always made better just by hanging out with me and providing me with a love like no one else in the world could give me. I am thankful to my sister-in-law (Erin) for being my "everything that I was needing at the time" person and for being "Erin Claus"!! I am thankful because through this we are even closer than we were--which I didn't think was possible but certainly love!! And, I am thankful for my husband (Chris Hardin aka Brucie-pooh). I really don't even know how to describe my thankfulness for Bruce. He has taken every last step of this journey with me--oftentimes carrying me when I didn't think I could make it another step--and has done so without complaint. He has loved me more than I ever knew I could be loved by someone that chooses to love me. He has held my hand when I was scared and wiped my face when I was sick. He has provided a constant calm even during the most uncertain times. He has made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth even on days when I felt far from beautiful. He is famous at the chemo suite and doctor's offices for being "the sweetest husband on earth" and I am thankful that "I just call him mine"!!!!! Bruce--thank you for every single thing you have done for me and continue to do for and with me. I love you with a love I didn't know was possible!! Finally, I am most thankful to the One who has carried me through this journey like no other--knowing my fears and anxieties, my sadness and pain, my moments of strength and my moments of weakness, my times of faith and my times of little faith--knowing every thought and emotion like no one on earth could ever know and yet still carrying me even when I did not make it easy. What a victory we have in Jesus!!! That is the true victory--a victory we can all experience with or without cancer!! I know this cancer was a "calling" and I listened--even when it was so very hard to hear the message--I listened. And today as I was enjoying my very small victory over this cancer, I realized that when God does call me Home that feeling that I have relished today will seem like nothing compared to that glorious feeling I will get when I look upon the face of God!! Can you imagine--how amazing is that?!?!? Yes, today has been wonderful and I wanted to share with you this great day!! And I am looking forward to many, many more great days!! I will have my 6-month scans at the end of this month and I will let you know those results. I ask that you continue to pray for me specifically that I will continue to listen to that call and have faith in His plan for me. Please know that I love each of you and am oftentimes overwhelmed by the love you have shown for me. Thank you for loving me and joining me on this journey. God bless you all!!!!!! MK

MK Update 5/18/2009

Hello Army!! What a beautiful day!! Just wanted to give you guys an update and let you know how I am doing. I am doing GREAT!!!!!! I feel just wonderful!! My last oncology appointment (in April) went well. I have my next round of scans scheduled for the last two weeks in July. I will have a full body PET scan as well as a CT scan of my brain (just to prove I still have a brain!!). I do have to admit that chemo was terrible but did offer a sense of security. But as time passes that sense of security seems to fade. Until recently I really have not even given thought to the cancer returning; however, I do have to admit that those thoughts have started every so slowly creeping into my mind from time to time. But, I know that is really just that dreaded old Fear Monster (aka the devil) trying to work his way in and I just whip that Fear Monster right out of my mind! I just tell myself that God is using those times to help remind me of my faith in Him and His faith in me!! It is that simple!!

I do have to share with each of you my awesome experience Sunday. Chris and I had the wonderful pleasure of going to church with Erin (my sister-in-law) to the Sylvan Hills Church of Christ. Jay was gone with some men from their Sunday school class on a camping/devotional trip--so he was not able to be there. I have never been to church with Jay and Erin (or my Grandma Bobbie--she is an active member there as well). But throughout the past 17 months I have felt very, very connected to this church and its congregation. So, I was very excited (and nervous) to have to opportunity to meet all of these wonderful people that have been lifting me (and my family) up in prayer. Oh wow--what an experience! Sunday school was amazing!! Jay sent a letter that was read in class and it was honestly the most fantastic letter I have ever heard in all of my life. It made me laugh and cry and made me so proud!! After that, there was a time for prayer and praise which was very moving and Kyle's prayer was so loving and heartfelt. Finally, the lesson was so moving. It was from Matthew 14 when Peter walked on water and became afraid and began to sink in the water. Oh man do I know that feeling!! So many times during this experience I found myself full of doubt (in myself and my faith) and full of fear--just sinking in the water. Yet each time I found myself sinking in the water there you were, my Army, there to help me see that the Lord is there to save me. So many times it was the people from Sylvan Hills Church of Christ--people I had never met helping me, witnessing to me, leading me to the One who will save and protect me no matter what!! Meeting those people and sharing time with them was honestly one of the best experiences of my life. To feel the love that people I barely know have for me, well it is a feeling I just can't describe in words other than to say it has moved me to tears several times since yesterday. What I love the most about all of the people of that church is that they have loved and supported Jay and Erin and Grandma Bobbie during this journey. For me, the worst part of all of this has been what cancer has done to my family--not to me. So to know that this body of Christ has been there all of this time to take care of Jay, Erin, and Grandma Bobbie is also an unexplainable feeling. Thank you to the members of the Sylvan Hills Church of Christ--you are so loved!! I will be back soon!

Finally, I want to ask each of you to join "Abby's Army". Abby is the 3-year-old daughter of a friend of mine--Morgan Conner. Abby is Morgan and Jason's oldest daughter and was recently diagnosed with a very rare form of brain cancer Gliomatosis cerebri. She is scheduled to have surgery Friday. You can follow Abby's journey at http://abbyreeseconner.blogspot.com I KNOW the power of prayer. Please pray continuously for Abby and her family.

Well, so much for a short update!! Thanks again for "listening" to me!! I love each of you more than you will ever know. Thank you for continuing to walk with me on this journey. I will continue to keep you posted and will certainly let you know the results of my scans in July. God bless!! Big hugs--big tears--big smiles--lots of love!!!! MK

MK Update 3/10/2009

Hello Army!! I hope this e-mail finds each of you enjoying this wonderful weather!! I just wanted to send out a quick update and let you guys know that your prayers continue to sustain me! Today is a milestone day--one year ago today I received my first chemo treatment. That seems like so long ago yet the memories are still very vivid. At this time last year I was at Jay's house starting to feel somewhat yucky and clueless to just how yucky I would feel over the next 10 days when my bloodcounts would "bottom out" and I spend 5 days in reverse isolation at the hospital. I remember being amazed at just how terrible I felt and thinking that I might not make it out of the hospital. I also remember thinking that if I made it out this time I still had 5 more treatments to go and could not imagine going through that 5 more times. But, I did make it out of the hospital and tolerated the last 5 treatments much better (thanks to each of you)!!

Boy am I glad those days are a distant memory. I celebrated this milestone by working 11 hours today and going to the gym and playing basketball with Chris, David, Zac, and Alex. Oh how things have changed in one year!!! I feel so very, very good. I honestly feel better now than I did before the diagnosis. My bloodcounts are higher now than they were when I started chemo. I had my repeat scans in late January and those scans showed me to continue to be cancer-free!! I researched the "personal summer" issue and found that caffeine plays a large role in hot flashes. I stopped drinking Mt. Dew and 2 days later stopped having "personal summers"!! I got my first haircut a few weeks ago. I went with Erin and it was so much fun--small victories mean so much!! I still cherish each day and try to make the most out of every waking minute. I continue to remember the many lessons I have learned through this experience. I also remain amazed at the power of prayer and the sheer power of the "Army of Angels" that continues to pray for me (and my family) daily. I thank God for each of you daily. I love each of you and will be forever grateful for all that you have done (and continue to do) for me. I will keep you posted after scans and appointments. Much love to you all!! Big hugs, Big tears, Big smiles--lots of love!!!!! MK