MK Update 5/19/2008

Hello all! Hope this e-mails finds each of you enjoying this beautiful weather! I just wanted to update you on my "chemo status". I was scheduled for my fourth (of six) treatment today. But, my blood counts were too low, so it has been rescheduled for next Tuesday the 27th. I was pretty certain when we left for Little Rock this morning that I would not have my treatment because my counts were pretty low Thursday. I was really pumped and ready for this treatment; however, I was able to get so much accomplished at work last week and was wanting to have this week to work as well. Plus, I am excited to have the holiday weekend feeling good! I think I have finally turned the corner so to speak with this whole cancer experience. A few weeks ago, Batesville's Beta Club had a mini Relay For Life. Chris's basketball team had a team in my honor. For those of you that do not know, Chris has accepted a job at Southside and will be coaching and teaching there next year. It was a most difficult decision for us--one we prayed about often. We love the girls and their families and honestly do not know what we would have done without them the last four months! They had to sacrifice so much of Chris's time and energy the last half of this season. They are wonderful! But, ultimately we realized that the job at Southside was the best decision. Anyway, the Relay For Life was sort of our "last event" with the girls. We had a great time! I will never forget walking that last lap surrounded by Chris and the girls--man what a feeling! When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and cried and cried some more. Then I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Up to that point, I have literally viewed this cancer and chemo as the Devil. When the nurse hooks that chemo bag to my port, I have felt like the Devil is flowing through my veins. I just can't describe to you how that feels--but I promise it is exhausting physically and emotionally to try and fight that feeling. As I sat in the bathroom crying and praying, the very last thing I prayed was that God would help me to be quiet and listen to His words. When I finally stopped crying the silence in the bathroom was deafening. I listened and boy did I hear! God spoke to me and He helped me to realize that this cancer and this chemo are a God-driven experience. Yes, I do believe that the Devil has a small role in this experience, but only to the point that I allow. I have matured spiritually through this experience more than I thought possible. I remember a sermon Pastor Kay delivered several months ago. She had just returned from a stay at a monastery. Her sermon was so very descriptive about her spiritual experience there. She spoke of the silence and the beauty of the monastery. She preached on her spiritual maturity and growth through that experience. Well, this journey has certainly not been a beautiful or awe-inspiring journey, but I know that I have grown as a Christian through this experience. This has been and will continue to be a spiritual journey for me. I have a clarity about this that is so refreshing and relaxing. I know I will have some more yucky days ahead, but I am ready. I am ready because I have finally figured this out and I know that I am going to be okay. In fact, I know that I am already better than I was at 11:59 on January 4th. I have spent the last four months wishing I could return to 11:59 on January 4th and start over without cancer and doctors and sadness and pain. But not now! Now I know that Noon on January 4th is a time to be thankful for--a time to cherish. All this time all I could think was that I will never be the same as I was at 11:59 on January 4th. Well, that is right--I will never be the same--I am better now than I ever was before that time! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! Certainly, one of the very best things to come from this journey is all of you. What an Army of Angels I have! I realize that each of you have listened to His messages about me. You have been there with me for each step I have taken. Even at my lowest points, I have always felt your strength. You are all amazing and so giving of your time and prayers. I thank you for your patience with me and your love for me. I love each of you and thank you for EVERYTHING! MK

MK Update 5/6/2008

Hello all! It has been a week and a day since my third chemo treatment. I am at the halfway point--just three more to go! I have done much better with this treatment thus far. The doctor was able to give me a new medication for nausea and it worked very well. I have felt pretty good this time around. I went yesterday to get my blood levels checked. That was certainly an interesting experience. I have been going every Monday and Thursday since I started chemo to get my levels checked. I go to my PCP's office to have this done. They do not know how to access my port, so they have to draw the blood from my hand. The nurse has found one vein that works well, so every Monday and Thursday morning I get up, get ready, and wrap a heating pad around my hand for 30 minutes. I then put a thick sock on my hand and head to Dr. Walton's office where Marilyn quickly accesses this little vein on the back of my hand while the vein is still warm and ready for the task. Well, I did all of that yesterday and I guess that little vein has had enough. The nurse couldn't get any blood and she was literally digging that needle around the back of my hand to try and get some blood. Like a ding-dong I decided to watch. The next thing I know, I am laying in the floor with my legs up in a chair and cold wash clothes all over my face and arms and my mom was trying to get my attention. I fainted! I have never fainted before--what a rush! HA! I mean that was certainly a strange experience. I have learned my lesson--I will not be watching Marilyn draw my blood anymore! She did manage to get some blood out of the little vein, bless his heart. Turns out that my blood levels are really low and I can't be in public or around people. What fun! What stinks is that I feel pretty good and I can't go anywhere or be around anyone. So, I have been working from home and hanging out with Mom, Chris, and the dogs. I think poor Mom and Chris are really getting tired of trying to keep me entertained! I have done a lot of gardening! Again, poor Mom and Chris--I have about worked them into the ground with the gardening. I just want to thank each of you for your prayer support! It has certainly made this round of chemo much, much better. You are all amazing and I continue to cherish the calls, text messages, e-mails, cards, flowers, food, and gifts. They all come at the perfect time and mean so very much to me. The other day I was having a very "low" moment and one of you sent me a text message. Chris said, "there is one of your angels picking you up again"--and that is so true. Thank you for taking the time to listen to God directing you my way! August will be here soon and this chemo will be a distant memory! Much love to you all! MK

MK Update 4/25/2008

Just a quick note requesting a very specific prayer request. I went yesterday and had my blood levels checked and they have dropped even lower than what they were Monday. Dr. Harrington started me on an antibiotic. Yesterday and today I went to the hospital and got a Neupagen injection to help boost my white blood cell count. I am a little worried about getting chemo Monday with low blood counts. Please pray that my blood counts will get back to normal levels between now and Monday morning! Thanks so much for always being here for me on a moments notice. It is so comforting to know that I can lean on each of you to get me through the scary times! I hope you all have a fabulous weekend! God bless! Love to you all! MK

MK Update 4/21/2008

Well, no chemo today. My blood counts are too low and Dr. Harrington said it would not be wise to go ahead with the chemo since my counts were so low. So, my next chemo treatment will be next Monday (the 28th). She said regardless of what my counts are next Monday they will go ahead with the chemo. If my counts are still low, they will just monitor me closely next week. I can still work and do normal activity this week; I just can't have chemo. I was really, really upset this morning. I cried and cried--then I talked to my dad. He is the best motivator I have ever met. He reminded me that this means I get another good week to work, have fun, and feel "normal". He also reminded me that Dr. Harrington knows what she is doing and that if she thinks I shouldn't have a treatment today than she is right. It took about 30 minutes for his words to sink in with me and start to make me feel better. Then, Chris took me to the mall and we bought Zac (one of my nephews) some new clothes for the summer. There is no medicine like buying surprises for someone else! I know that God is using this week to strengthen me as well. I have spent the last 10 days telling Chris that I could not do one more treatment. I even told him I was not going to go. I have prayed so hard that God would give me the strength and courage to get through today. Again, God is so good! He knew I just wasn't mentally ready for this treatment. So, he is giving me one more week to enjoy the "good" days and prepare myself for the "yucky" days ahead. I continue to be amazed by His presence and His messages (both big and small) to me. There really are no unanswered prayers--sometimes it just takes a little bit to figure out the message in the answer! I feel renewed and ready! I feel God's arms of comfort wrapped around me and His healing hands lifting me. I am going to enjoy this week; and I will be ready for the next treatment! Again, I thank each of you for your continued prayer support. Please pray that I continue to feel God's presence with me this week as I prepare for next Monday. You are an awesome and inspiring "Army of Angels" and I love you all dearly! God bless! MK

Mrs. Betty Floyd 4/17/2008

Mrs. Betty decided last night was her time to start her eternal life with our Father in Heaven. She was at home with her family and certainly defeated that Devil and Fear Monster! I know that Heaven is shining even brighter today--there is nothing like a Mrs. Betty smile to brighten the day. Please pray for Coach Floyd and their children. I appreciate your never-ending prayer support! Much love--MK

Prayer For A Friend 4/15/2008

I know I have used this e-mail group to keep you all updated on my journey with cancer; however, now I need your prayer support for a friend. Mrs. Betty Floyd is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met. She and her husband sit in the pew behind us in church. Coach and Mrs. Floyd retired to Cherokee Village several years ago. Coach Floyd was the Athletic Director at Arkansas State for several years before moving to Cherokee Village. Mrs. Floyd has been battling lung cancer. My mom told me tonight that she is in the hospital and she is fighting hard against this Devil! Mrs. Floyd is tiny but she sure is tough! She gives great hugs and always has the biggest smile on her face. She has been a very devoted member of our church (Cherokee Village United Methodist) and spends most of her time giving to and praying for others. When Mom told me about Mrs. Betty I sat here for a few minutes feeling so helpless--then I remembered my awesome "Army of Angels". The best thing that I can do for Mrs. Betty now is pray. To have the opportunity to call on each of you for additional prayer support for her is so wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to pray for Mrs. Betty and her family. Much love to you all! MK

MK Update 4/12/2008

Hello all! It seems like decades since I sent out my last update. I received my second chemo treatment March 31st. It looks like my "chemo pattern" is going to be as follows: receive my treatment on Monday, followed by 10 yucky days, followed by 10 pretty good to good days, and then another treatment. Let me just say that those 10 yucky days are just that--YUCKY! The first five are filled with nausea and the last five are filled with bone pain and flu-like symptoms from my blood counts dropping so low. At least this round I did not have to spend any time in the hospital! That was a definite improvement. This time, the 10 yucky days were spent on the couch (surrounded by 3 dogs) with Mom and Chris waiting on me every second. Mom spent the entire time trying to fill me up with protein to help "rebuild" my blood counts. I think when this is all over I am going to go on a protein-free diet for a few weeks! HA! Poor Mom, she tries to fix me anything I will eat--but nothing tastes very good, my mouth was full of sores, and anything warm or hot was just nasty. I lived on green grapes for several days, which is really funny because I have never liked green grapes until now. The past few days, however, my mouth is better and I have eaten much better. Fried catfish seems to be what tastes the best to me now--I have had it three times in five days. :) Mom cooked pot roast with potatoes and carrots, mac and cheese, and the pinto beans ever yesterday. I had no problems eating any of that! It was YUMMY! I am looking forward to going back to work this week. I miss my co-workers and the kids. They are wonderful medicine! I have an appointment with Dr. Hagans Monday--just a routine follow-up. I haven't seen him in six weeks. I look forward to his upbeat personality. He usually calls me "Red"--so I can't wait to see what he says about my lack of hair and stylish hat. :) I have attached of picture of me with Jay and our stylish buzz cuts. I think you will see the similarities. These past 10 days have been a very reflective time for me. The first round of chemo I think I just felt too bad to have any energy to reflect on anything. I am fairly certain I cried more the past 10 days than I have in the past 10 years. Everything seems to make me cry. I am so dreading this next treatment. I have looked at the calendar and if all goes as planned I should have 43 pretty good to good days left and 40 yucky days left. Hopefully, my last yucky day (from chemo) will be July 3rd. I plan on having a great 4th of July. I find it very ironic that on the day our great county gets to celebrate its independence and freedom I will get to celebrate my "freedom" from chemo! Again, God is everywhere! While hanging out on the couch, I tried to stay as positive as possible by thinking of happy times. Thursday, I spent some time thinking about the trip to Disney World Chris and I took a few years ago. We had so much fun! I really think I could live in Disney World--what a happy place! My favorite ride was a roller coaster ride at the Animal Kingdom--Expedition Everest. The ride takes you through the mountain while this Bigfoot-type creature (the Yeti) chases the train. The ride is fast and cold and mostly in the dark. You start out going fairly fast into the mountain. Suddenly, the ride gets slower and the Yeti appears. The train speeds up and you can see a small bit of light from outside the mountain. The train heads for the light and just when you think you are about to escape the Yeti and leave the mountain, the track runs out and the train abruptly stops. Then as fast as the train stopped it starts going again only this time you are going backward and the Yeti is quickly approaching. Again, there is the light from outside the mountain and just when you think you have ditched the Yeti and reached the light the track runs out again and the train once again abruptly stops. Then bam--the train takes off, ditches the Yeti, and heads into the light of day, around the outside of the mountain, and to the finish. The entire ride I was so scared. Between the Yeti chasing us everywhere, the speed of the ride, and focusing on not getting sick, it is amazing I made it to the finish! As I thought about that great ride, it occurred to me that my chemo treatments are really just an extended version of Expedition Everest. I am on this ride for 83 more days. I have to learn to enjoy the fun parts (the good days) and survive the scary parts (the yucky days). I need to realize that for those 40 yucky days left that I am not alone. That I have and awesome God carry me through those days and this awesome "Army of Angels" on my side. I have to learn to be less reclusive during the yucky days and to reach out for spiritual, mental, and emotional support not only from our God but from those of you who love me so much! My Dad loves roller coasters! If you ride a roller coaster with him, he makes you ride the entire ride with you arms high in the air and he will not stand for anyone to hold on to the safety bar. The first few times I rode with Dad, I really thought it was sheer torture to not get to hold on to the safety bar. Then after a few times, I realized riding the ride with your arms high in the air is a very thrilling experience. I need to let go of the safety bar and realize that I am surrounded by safety bars and He nor you will let me fall. I need to learn to find the thrill in this experience. I know I am going to reach the "light of day" and speed down this "mountain", leaving that "Yeti" far behind me! Again, I thank each of you for loving me enough to pray for me and my family, for sharing these updates with others so that our Army of Angels continues to grow, and for being my safety bar on this ride. You are all amazing! I love you dearly! God bless! MK